There is an art to successfully ending an affair with a married woman. Doing the job well allows the woman to keep her dignity intact, maybe even allowing her to believe that it was her decision. It also means that you’ve handled the matter in such a way that she’ll continue to act with discretion, and won’t be tempted to expose your sexual relationship. With the prospect of ending your affair might fill you with dread, it doesn’t have to be a big, ugly, dramatic event. With proper handling, things can end on just as positive a note as they began.

Start Thinking About the Ending Before You Begin

If you’re already in an affair, it’s too late for you to do this, but tuck the information into your back pocket for next time. If you’re contemplating having an affair, this will save you all kinds of trouble down the road. When you start talking to a woman about having an affair, set some expectations together right away. It can help to put an expiration date on the relationship up front. Tell her that you’re only looking for someone to be with for the next (however long you choose) and make sure she’s okay with that. This way she’ll be expecting the end and won’t be caught off guard. You can also use these opening questions to make sure she’s just looking for sex, not love.

Cut Her Off Slowly

If you’re having an affair where you’ve been talking and seeing each other frequently, it’s best to cut her off slowly if she’s started to expect more than what you want to offer. Don’t be as quick to return her calls and texts, and don’t initiate contact as often. If you’ve been having sex twice a week, get into the habit of being too busy for more than once a week for a couple of weeks, then every other week, and so on. Unless she’s an obsessive psycho, one of two things will happen. Either she’ll get the message and disappear, or she’ll ask you what’s going on. If she asks or complains about the infrequency, tell her that you’re sorry, but work/life demands have suddenly ramped up, and that you’ll totally understand if she needs someone who can offer her more time. Some women will immediately take this opening to leave the affair, thinking that they made the decision because they want more from an affair. Other women will try to hang on for a bit longer, but as things space out even more, they will eventually reach the point where they’re done with you and ready to look for someone more available.

Swiftly But Kindly

If you don’t have the time or patience to slowly cut off your affair, or if you know the woman well and think that a more swift approach will be easier on her, plan a time to tell her face to face. A lot of guys think that text, email, or a phone call is the easy way out, but this almost always backfires. It gives the woman too much time up front to be alone with her emotions, and she’s more likely to get hysterical and cause drama. It will be harder for her to flip out if you’re sitting face to face and she can see your eyes and body language. Be kind, but firm. Give her a reason that has nothing to do with her (even if it is her) so she doesn’t feel rejected. If you can make her feel just a little bit sorry for you, all the better. She’ll be less likely to cause any trouble for you, and you can part ways with her thinking of the affair as a fond memory whose time came to an end, rather than a regrettable decision or something she wants to find a way to continue.
 

Don’t Get Sucked Back In

Don’t end your affair until you’re sure you’re really done with it. If you end it, then change your mind and go back for more sex, you’ll complicate matters. Every single time you go back for more, you become more enmeshed with the woman you’re having an affair with. You’re also giving her the upper hand, allowing her more and more control over your actions, because she can see that no matter what you say, you probably don’t really mean it and can be convinced to do what she wants. Once you’ve said goodbye, don’t ever initiate contact with her again, and don’t respond if she tries to initiate contact. Other than the very rare woman who is totally psycho, most women won’t like the way this sort of rejection makes them feel, and they’ll give up soon. Ending your affairs appropriately allows you to have fun without the stress and drama. Follow these steps, and it will be a no fuss, no muss process.

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